


Breathe, breathe in the air (Don't be afraid to care)

by Elennare



Category: High Rollers DnD (Web Series)
Genre: Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Lucius deserves comfort and if canon won't give it to him I will, M/M, Mention of Panic Attacks, Mutual Pining, heavy on the comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:14:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27637367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elennare/pseuds/Elennare
Summary: "Quill stopped reading aloud from his book, placing a talon in it to hold it open, and looked over at Lucius. “Is this… is this helping at all?”"After Lucius tells his friends how much his near-death is still affecting him, Quill decides to share the tome of understanding with him, hoping it will help.
Relationships: Qillek "Quill" Ad Khollar/Lucius Virion-Elluin Elenasto
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	Breathe, breathe in the air (Don't be afraid to care)

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Breathe" by Pink Floyd.
> 
> This idea first came to me when Mark had Lucius make a wisdom save against panicking, and then they found the tome of understanding right after... Would it work in-game? I don't know! But I still like the idea.

Quill stopped reading aloud from his book, placing a talon in it to hold it open, and looked over at Lucius. “Is this… is this helping at all?”

Lucius started guiltily upright. He was sitting on his bed - or, well, he had been sitting on his bed, but without realising it had begun to slouch until he’d been reclining against his many pillows. “It is, Birdie, of course it is, I’m sorry.”

“Really?” Quill asked softly from his chair. “It’s okay if isn’t, you can tell me.”

Lucius pondered the question. After their triumphant return from H’esper’s temple the day before, after nearly dying yet again, after much thinking throughout the trials about Quill’s speech to his worst enemy, Lucius had finally found the strength and courage to talk to his friends. To tell them how being startled, even by something harmless, could leave him breathless, gasping for air; how he would snap out of his trance in the middle of the night, choking, clutching at a phantom pain and a very real scar. He’d been so scared to tell them, so afraid they’d be angry or disappointed in him… but once he got the first words out, the relief of it all astonished him. And they had all understood, all immediately looked for ways to help - Nova had offered to take him through more breathing exercises; Sentry had pulled him into a hug and told him to come to her whenever he needed to, with Quill quietly adding he knew from experience she was good at helping with panic attacks; Aila, after a few moments looking worried while trying to work out how she could help, had promised to keep a closer eye on him in battle, to step in if he looked shaky. Not one of them had looked disappointed even for a second, and their loving support had already given Lucius the best night’s rest he’d had for a long time.

This morning, Quill had come to him with a new idea, carrying the book they had retrieved from the temple's library. “It’s supposed to make me wiser,” he’d explained. “I don’t know if this will work really, but I wondered if I read it aloud to you, if… if it might help you too?” Lucius hadn’t been sure if it would really help, either, but if Quill thought it might, it was surely worth trying! Besides, he couldn’t say no to spending time with Birdie. 

“I think it is helping,” Lucius said now, slowly, in answer to Quill’s question. “I won’t pretend I understand everything you’ve been reading, I’m not as smart as you!”

“You are smart, Lucius,” Quill interrupted.

Lucius just smiled at that. “Well, I don’t understand everything, but it’s like… Like hearing something in a language you’re still learning, maybe? I can’t follow everything, but I think I get some of it at least, and I like listening to you.” A sudden thought struck him. “Are you getting tired of reading out loud? You can stop if you are, I don’t want to tire you out!” 

Quill shook his head. “I’m fine, don’t worry. Anyway, there’s a couple of meditation exercises next… Would - would you like to try them with me? It’s probably easier if I sit next to you, so you can see the book too.”

“Of course!” Lucius said, and moved over to one side of the bed.

Quill sat down in the space that was left, placing his book on the bed in front of them both. It was open to an illustrated page, showing a hand working through a series of gestures. 

“Is it a spell of some kind?” Lucius asked, studying the diagrams and frowning at the text he couldn’t read. “It looks a bit like it.”

“Not exactly, it’s more about… connecting to magic, I think? But not doing anything with it like you would with a spell, just repeating the gestures over and over and feeling the connection,” Quill replied. “Shall we try it?”

Lucius took another look at the instructions and nodded. They were drawn for a right hand, but he was used to working out how to reverse spells for casting left-handed, and he assumed the same principles would apply to this. He raised his left hand - just as Quill raised his right, so they brushed against each other. “Sorry,” he said, blushing a little, and moved further away. 

“It’s fine,” Quill said with a shy smile. “Ready?”

Lucius nodded again, and began slowly working through the gestures. Quill was right, of course, it wasn’t a spell, but… yes… “I can feel it! I can feel the magic.”

Quill paused for a moment to beam at him. “I can too, just about… the book says to repeat it for a couple of minutes, and just focus on that connection.”

Lucius smiled back and ran through the movements again, over and over. It was a strange feeling, reaching for magic like this, not to pull it into a spell but just running it through his fingers, as if it were some strange kind of fabric. It was soothing, too; he found himself breathing in time with the movement, and with Quill next to him… It felt as if magic was winding around him - not tightly, not like a trap, but as if he were smoothing it out to lie on him like the softest of blankets. Distantly, Lucius wondered if it felt the same way for Quill; he knew his own magic came from within while Quill’s was drawn from H’esper, so perhaps it was different? When Quill laid his claw down, Lucius stopped too, and asked him about it.

“That’s interesting,” Quill said, head cocked to one side as he considered it. “I wouldn’t say it felt like a blanket to me, more like… like gliding on an air current on a warm day? Sorry, that's not very helpful, is it?”

“It sounds lovely,” Lucius replied. “And maybe it is the same in a way, it sounds… comforting?”

Quill nodded, smiling. “It is. Do you want to try the next exercise?”

Lucius agreed, and Quill turned the page. Blond head and feathered head bent together over the book, studying the next illustration. This time, both hands were shown, in a new series of gestures - no, not new, Lucius realised. The right hand in the diagram was doing the same as it had in the one before, and, yes, the left one was doing what he’d done in the previous exercise. Lucius smiled to himself, pleased he’d reversed it correctly. He lifted his hands and started to work through it, then stopped, realising Quill’s movements with his left hand were stiff and jerky. He hesitated, unsure what to do - would Quill feel insulted or hurt if he offered to help? Quill clicked his beak in frustration, shaking his hand out, and Lucius decided he had to try; Quill was sharing this with him to help him, it was only right to return the help.

“Quill? Can I help?” he asked tentatively.

Quill grimaced. “It’s fine, I’m just not… not used to having two hands again yet. I’ll figure it out.”

“I think you might be overthinking it?”

“What do you mean?” Quill asked.

“Well, I’ve noticed… You still do most things right-handed, like casting spells. But when you’re distracted with something else, I’ve seen you use your left hand sometimes,” Lucius replied. Was it weird that he’d noticed that? It wasn’t, was it? He’d just been paying attention to his friend, been happy to see him getting used to Nova’s magitek wing… He hoped Quill wouldn’t think it was weird.

To his relief, Quill just looked thoughtful. “I think… you might be right,” he said, after a few moments’ introspection. “I don’t know how to stop it though, I’m not very good at not overthinking things!” 

Lucius hesitated for a second, gathering his courage. “Can I try something? Maybe if I guide your hand it’ll be easier?”

Quill looked startled, but then nodded. “I - uh - okay, yes, let’s try it.” 

Carefully, Lucius reached out. His heart was beating faster, but he did his best to ignore it - this was about helping Quill, not about anything else. Quill’s breath hitched for a second as Lucius’s hand touched his.

“Oh, I'm so sorry, I forgot I’m wearing my gauntlet,” Lucius apologised. “Is the metal cold? I’ll take it off.” Why hadn’t he thought of it before? Of course the touch of metal and prisms wouldn't be the most comfortable thing for Quill.

“Um - if - if you want, it - it’s fine if you’d rather keep it on,” Quill stammered in reply. 

Lucius was already unfastening the gauntlet, letting the aetherium bands release from his arm and pulling the metallic glove from his hand. He set it carefully on his bedside table and turned back to Quill, covering his friend’s hand with his own once more. He could feel the feathers now, so soft against his palm… No, focus. How did this exercise go again?

“Ready?” he asked, hoping against hope Quill wouldn’t notice the pitch of his voice rising despite his best efforts to keep it steady.

Quill took a deep breath and released it, then nodded. “Yeah, ready.”

Slowly, doing his best to think of nothing but the movements, Lucius guided Quill’s hand through the series of gestures with his own. As he went through them several times, he could feel the connection to magic once more, could feel his heartbeat slowing down; he could feel the tension in Quill’s clawed hand relax, as he started to trace the movements himself rather than just let Lucius’s hand guide them. 

“I think you’ve got it,” Lucius said, reluctantly lifting his hand off Quill’s. “Shall we try the whole thing now?”

“Yes, let’s try it,” Quill agreed, raising his right hand. 

Was it Lucius’s imagination, or had Quill looked disappointed for a moment as Lucius pulled his hand away? Never mind. Focus on the meditation. Lucius began running through it, with both hands now, and once again fell into the feeling of being wrapped in magic.

“Thank you, Lucius,” Quill finally said after a while, laying his hands down in his lap. “I don’t know if I’d have managed that on my own… Or how it would have worked if I’d still only had one hand,” he added, frowning.

“It’s a magic book that only you can read, I probably wouldn’t be able to even see these diagrams if you weren’t sharing them with me,” Lucius pointed out. “I’m sure it would have adapted to you! Or if it hadn’t I know you’d have figured something out.”

Quill laughed. “You’re right, I expect it would have adapted to me…” He tilted his head thoughtfully. “Maybe that’s part of the point of how it’s set up? To help me get used to my new hand?”

“It could be,” Lucius agreed. “Thank you for sharing this with me, these exercises… I really like them. I’ll have to do them more than once, but I think they’ll help.”

“I’m so glad,” Quill said, smiling. “Shall I keep reading now? Or do you want a break? Or… I could just tell you when the next meditation exercise comes up, if you’d rather just do those?”

“No, I like to hear you reading,” Lucius replied. “I can’t follow it all, but I like it… and the company definitely helps,” he added more quietly, blushing again.

Quill looked down for a moment, feathers fluffing out. Then he looked back up with a shy, hopeful smile, and lifted his right wing, the one next to Lucius. Did he mean - oh! Blushing more than ever, Lucius moved closer to Quill, who wrapped his wing around him in a gentle hug. 

“I like the company too,” Quill murmured, then quickly cleared his throat and began to read again, stumbling over the first few words but finding his rhythm. 

Lucius leaned against Quill’s shoulder, relaxing in this warm embrace that felt so much like the way magic had wound around him earlier. Maybe it was a kind of magic, this unspoken current of feeling between them… Maybe he would find a way to put into words one day. But not now; for now it was enough to sit there with Quill, letting his voice wash over him, and just breathe.


End file.
